You Sexy Ole Bag

I was talking to my Go'Diva sister about how great my skin is going to look when I'm 80, and it got me thinking that us ladies need to plan ahead. Girls should start planning on moving into the same senior community center as our friends immediately if not sooner. Women live longer than men on average, so our hubbys will be with Jesus (or, you know who) so we should get on it so us girls can be all together. We can read US Weekly's all day or have them read to us by young sexy male nurses and then we can organize all sorts of parties and events. Who will be on the cover of US Weekly when we're 80? That will be 50 years from now...I bet it will be Maddox and Violet Garner, divorcing over Apple Paltrow. I can't wait. We can also wear our wedding dresses and nobody will tell us we can't.

So, if you want to ensure a fabulous old-timer's life full of Hop-Skip-and-Go-Naked parties and prank calls to dirty old men, march over to the Franke Center now and put your name on the wait list. It's a very extensive wait list you know. Only the best for us ladies.

Ass Pirates

Go’Diva Sister #2: Let’s talk about how much we hate Heidi and Spencer.

Go’Diva Sister #1: I hate Spencer because:
-He has no job
-He's blood sucking any publicity he can from his brain-dead girlfriend/fiancé Heidi
-He has demon eyes
-He has zero friends; his only friend Brody ditched him for being such a tool
-He plays arcade games like a 7 year old boy who touches himself out of curiosity
-He's a controlling piss ant

#2: Spencer clearly has no testicles. He is an ass pirate, plain and simple. I hope with every fiber of my being that he gets beat up at least once a week and that you just never see it in the show because of clever makeup tricks. He is a tool. He is a tool box complete with hundreds of different tool attachments. Look at his face in the picture – are you really that scared of a rollercoaster, ass pirate? There is probably no one on the planet I hate more. With the exception of perhaps Heidi.

#1: I hate Heidi because:
-She puts up with Spencer just because he tells her it's best for her career
-She let Spencer "direct" her music video with a handheld camcorder
-She's so freaking thin
-She has no friends except for Spencer
-She is spineless and does a horrific job representing women as a whole.

#2: I almost want to cancel my US Weekly subscription because they put her on the cover and compared her body to Giselle’s. Almost.

Mean Girls vs. Heidi and Spencer. Winner: Clearly Mean Girls (a.k.a The Go’Diva Sisters)

Cuba Libre Blows the Mind

Cuba Libre & The Mind Garden, Friday night's art show featuring the works of Brianna Stello and Patrick Pelletier, was all that we'd expect. Gorgeous and interesting people, hot music, sexy art, spicy food and lots and lots of gossiping. Let's state the important points for the record: Quentin Baxter is smokin hot. Brianna Stello is as sexy as it gets (is it weird to have a crush on a girl? She's got a sexy, raspy voice and pixie cut, so I think that's "boy" enough to have a crush on her). Robert Lange is too cute for words. Ditto for Karate Kid who shall remain nameless, in large part because we don't remember his name. Go'Diva advice: If you are invited to a party, and Brianna Stello has anything to do with it, go. And wear something backless.

Saffire Not a Gem

We heard good things about Saffire in the Marriott. After a rave review in the P&C and hearing someone describe it as “Charleston’s version of L.A.’s Sky Bar,” we decided to go check it out.

First, the good: If I were an out-of-towner and found myself at the Marriott on business, I’d be pleased with the hotel restaurant/bar. The sconces that resemble giant flames are a nice touch. Certainly the best part was the food. I had a nice salad, stacked with goat cheese and crisp fruit, and vegetable and goat cheese ravioli… all very yummy.

Now, the bad: The service was a little irritating and un-prepped. The restrooms, which are always a clear indicator of the overall place, aren’t lovely. One was even clogged. Now that gets an appetite going.

Lastly, the ugly: The clientele, plain and simple. Definitely not a local hang out. Everyone there must have been on a layover from Ohio.

I will say that we went on a random Tuesday and the outdoor bar, which gets the most buzz, wasn’t open. Hopefully that will have a cooler vibe... or else we may stick with hotel spots like Charleston Grill and the rooftop at Market Pavilion.